Reflecting on 2017 & New year's resolutions (sort of?)

by - Monday, January 01, 2018



This is the first time I have ever written a post like this. I used to not care that much about new years and time in general. I used to think that the first day in a new year is just a another day that is going to be the exact same as the day before. My perspective on time has changed. People change over time, people forget pain over time, people heal over time and they grow as they learn over time.

Time is important to me now. One day I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a comment that I wrote 3 years ago. I almost couldn't believe that it was me who wrote this comment, I couldn't believe that I used to think the way I used to think back then. This has made me realise the importance of time. Another thing that has contributed to this is that I've recently realised that time does heal. People say this all the time but I couldn't believe it when something really bad (understatement) happened in my life that left me dealing with the worst anxiety, panic attacks and depression I thought that my life will never get better and that I'll forever be stuck in that dark place forever but guess what, time has made me forget the pain, time has also changed the position that I'm in. I only had to push myself to live another day with the pain following me wherever I go. Taking any type of steps toward the future even if they're the tiniest do make a difference when they add up and now I'm thankful that I haven't given up to this day.

Speaking of mental health, this year (especially toward the end) wasn't good at all. My anxiety got really bad toward the end of 2017 and I'm honestly so tired of it. I'm tired of having to worry about everything all the time. It's time to leave this in the past. I'm aware that it's not that simple but I've learnt that things do start to change when you decide to change them and actually do something.

Friendship wise, I've learnt that people aren't always going to stick with me all the time and that they'll most likely not always going to put in as much effort as I do into the relationship. I've also learnt to be open to new relationships but not to expect much. I've learnt from my mistake that I always tend to subconsciously expect people to give back (which is a natural thought sometimes) and then get hurt and let down because of it. I guess I'll be more careful with who I let into my life and to set boundaries for my own well being and to keep a healthy relationship. I've also become much better at setting boundaries of respect when it comes to socialisation in general.

Forgiving people is something that I normally do easily especially when what they have done haven't had a deep effect on me and they are not willing to do it again. But, I have learnt this year to not forgive people who have caused me to be deeply hurt. I don't have to do that and I should be more careful who I forgive, I don't always have to be "the nice person" in every situation.

When I look back at 2017, I honestly can't remember much. Maybe because I haven't done much, or maybe because the things that I did aren't measurable physically, or maybe because I simply forgot most of them, but I definitely notice that I've learnt a lot about myself this year.

I learnt that I have a creative side that I need to let out more often, in fact, my creative side is much more prominent than whatever you'd call the other one. I noticed that I don't use my creative side to it's full potential and that sometimes I even try to suppress it sometimes. I rediscovered my love for music. I used to be in the music club in school. I used to do very well with the electronic keyboard and the xylophone. I used to sing to people on my school bus, why have I stopped? I love music and singing and I'll embrace this part of me and I'll not suppress it anymore because of how it's deemed as less important than academia and things of that sort.

I've also learnt that I tend to compare myself to others all the time. It's seriously so unhealthy and puts me under so much pressure. I'm not other people, I'm my own self and I need to focus on myself not on what others do. My path is different, my journey is different and that's why I should stop comparing myself.

EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE IN 2017

I'm so proud of myself for spending two weeks (8 hours a day) in a community pharmacy as a trainee. I learnt so much and I got to talk to patients. I even learnt how to inject and I injected over 15 people. It was one of the things that I really wanted to learn and I did learn it which I'm so proud of myself for. I'll probably make a video about this whole experience soon.

One of the biggest highlights of 2017 for me was the YouTube event that I attended. It was like an acknowledgment of  the work that I've been doing on my channel for 3 years and I felt like finally someone saw it. I could go on and on about the event but it'll make this post too long. We also hit almost 2K on Youtube and I'm so happy that I get comments (& emails) from people who genuinely enjoy watching my videos and think they're helpful 

 I also got a very high GPA in the first year of pharmacy school and I wish to keep it this way till I graduate (hopefully). 


This one isn't really an event but in 2017, I made the effort to spend more time with my friends and I got to know new people which I normally don't do often so it's considered a progress.


THINGS I WANT TO DO IN 2018

I need to work harder on my channel. I love my YouTube channel so much, it's helped me through the toughest time and it still does. I also want to write more on this blog. It's so therapeutic and it makes me feel so much better.

I want to get into reading. I even bought a book that I think is going to be interesting and although I find it hard to sit and read mindfully, I'll give it a try.

Toward the end of this year, I got into TO-DO lists and even though I was always put off by them, when I tried them they really helped me so I'll try to incorporate them into my daily routine and overall try to be more organised because I'm a little all over the place if I'm being honest.

Do more of what makes me happy shamelessly and it's underlined because I actually used to feel guilty when I gave some time to myself to do the things that I loved. In 2018 I'll try to practise self care a little more and I'll put more effort into my outfit, makeup etc for me because I noticed that when I do so, I feel much more confident and happier.

Ok now I'm seriously sleepy and it's past 2 am so I need to sleep. HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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