Reeminiscence: spiritual healing

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How to be less anxious: Advice to lessen your anxiety

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I've been reflecting on some events that had happened this past week, and I couldn't help but notice a recurring pattern. Random thoughts arise in our heads, those thoughts get mixed with our deepest fears, those fears amplify whatever thoughts we had. We get too overwhelmed that we're almost paralysed and more fear builds up to form a seemingly impenetrable barrier around any form of action we should take. I got the notion that our minds can be a breeding ground for normal-sized fears. Yes, fears are a normal part of a healthy life! I, for one, don't know a single person that doesn't have at least one fear. What we do with those fears, however, dictates whether we stay paralysed or move forward with our lives, or take action when needed.

When we're alone with our thoughts, that's when things can take a turn for the worse and seriously affect our headspace and peace of mind. See, we only have this current moment to live. We can't live tomorrow right now or relive the past. But we tend to force ourselves to do so when we waste so much time and energy worrying about the future or ruminating about the past and how it could've been way better. I understand why we tend to do this and have immense sympathy with those who wish their pasts could've been better and those who worry a lot about their futures because they want to give it their best shot! I get it. But how has that helped us? Exactly, it hasn't. And it never will. When I came to this conclusion myself, I became eager to look for solutions; because just telling yourself to stop worrying, apparently, doesn't help in the slightest. What actually helped me was having compassion for myself; understanding where I was coming from. This didn't put an end to my worries, but it gave me the space to explore ways I can get myself out of the trap I told you about earlier. So, here's what I found to be actually helpful for my case and what I think you should try too.

When you're stuck worrying about something, do it anyway. When we worry, we think that it'll be unbearable to do that thing we're worried about or to be in that situation that terrifies us just thinking about it. But here's the deal, we'll accept our feelings, take a deep breath and go out into the world and do that which keeps worrying us. We'll try to be open to all the possibilities that may arise. Yes, what you're worried about might actually happen! But you know what? It'll most likely not be as enormous as you may have played it in your head. On the other hand, it may not happen at all! Then, you'll have proven to yourself, by experience, that you shouldn't have worried and wasted your precious and limited energy. Not only that, but while you're out there exposing yourself to your worries, many other beautiful and memorable things can happen to you. This part is crucial to convincing your brain that things may, after all, not be as they seem at times. By time, your brain will be more convinced and you'll be quicker to give your worries less weight than they need.

If you're worried about leaving the house, for instance, because you're scared that something bad might happen, but you do it anyway while being open to the experience, you might actually enjoy it or at least find it okay when you return home! What I mean by being "open to the experience" which is absolutely key to minimising your worries, is that you don't judge your experience when you're in it. Don't lable what happens to you, as it happens, as either good or bad. Rather, give yourself permission to experience a myriad of things as they come your way and feel what you need to feel in the moment. In other words, try to be present. When your experience ends, dedicate some time to sit down and go through it lightly without overanalysing it. Was it generally a good experience? Was it as terrifying as you thought? Would you do it again? You'd be surprised at your answers! Because as I said before, our minds tend to amplify any worries we have. We tend to blow things out of proportion, so we need to prove to our minds that whatever we're stressing over is not actually a big deal...

I personally tend to stress over how much work I need to do and how I'm running out of time and won't be able to finish all my tasks on time. I sometimes give more weight to my tasks than I should, and as a result, I get too overwhelmed and drive myself into inaction; because my mind has convinced me by now that action is scary and even impossible! You know what I should do right there? Get to work and start doing one task at a time. Before I know, I'll have gone through half of the tasks in no time! I don't need to experiment with this because this is my go-to move when I get overwhelmed by work. The key here to be open to the experience; not judge myself. For instance, if I'm taking too long to finish a task, I allow myself to do that. This lessens my anxiety and welcomes me to finish my tasks without pressure. Honestly, whoever said that we work best under pressure owes us an elaborate explanation...

But what if you're worried about things you can't take action toward right now? What if you're worried about being put in a "horrible" situation in the future that you can't do anything about and is completely out of your control? If that's what you're worried about, your first reaction, now that you know better, should be to know that the extent of your worries is most likely blown out of proportion. Then, you should trust yourself and your abilities in dealing with unexpected situations. Remind yourself that should this situation arise, you'll be able to deal with it when it's time to do so. Remind yourself of the numerous things you've overcome in the past and how you weren't prepared at the time, yet you still dealt with them as they popped up. We're all resilient beings, we can face challenges and difficulties, but we do so in a myriad of ways, and even if we face a challenge that is beyond our abilities, which is highly unlikely, we can learn how to deal with it and take time to be more equipped. Because we can and we have time.

In closing, what drove me to write this is my own experience as a living, breathing and, most importantly, feeling human. I share feelings with many other people out there and I try to find solutions to deal with them by researching, studying, and experimenting on my own. I've made it clear before that my aim is to share what I learn and what has helped me, so I hope this was helpful. However, worrying and anxiety disorders are not the same, so please seek professional advice if needed. Also, stay safe.

Looking for more articles like this? Try reading:

How I learned to be kinder to myself here
Coping with long term adversity: what positive psychology taught me about managing hopelessness here
Why it is so hard to be productive right now here

mental health

anxiety

calm

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Not long ago, my university offered us free access to online courses and to me, watching courses online was one of those things I never knew I needed until I actually tried, especially considering the fact that now more than ever, there's plenty of room for boredom and time wasted doing nothing in particular. If you know me, then you know how much I despise wasting my time, if I'm not advancing professionally, I better be doing some work on the inside and improving my thought patterns.

For the longest time, I had really destructive thinking and it had several negative outcomes in my life. Not very recently, I decided to put an end to it. It's not an easy decision and it most certainly doesn't happen overnight, and I am aware of it, but I committed to the journey and I decided to be patient with myself.

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That being said, it might not come as a surprise to you that when I had access to free online courses presented by top professors and experts, I was really grateful. At first, I started advancing in my field of studies but then I thought that maybe there could be helpful resources for me to grow on the inside and improve my thought patterns. So, I started searching for Psychology courses and came across a very laid back and relaxed course about positive psychology. I never thought I would finish it or benefit from it in any way, but surprisingly, I did both of those things.

The information in the course was not groundbreaking, but here's the thing about mental health — just like negative thought patterns were built slowly, positive ones require repeated exposure to helpful information to build up over time. I can go on for ages about this topic, so without further ado, here's what I learned during the positive psychology course...

Coping with "Chronic" adversity

How the course was structured, was that the main tutor sat at a round table joined with four adult professionals who either needed positive psychology to be better at their careers/ roles or were already in a career involved with positive psychology.

One of the participants deals with individuals with chronic issues in her career. She presented three helpful thoughts that she wanted her patients to remember whenever they feel hopeless because of their seemingly endless issue(s). Whether it is a longlasting or "chronic" physical or mental health issue, I personally think that the thoughts she presented can help either way.

Here's what you need to remember next time you feel hopeless about something that you seem to be stuck with:

1. You're not alone in this: no matter what type of problem you happen to be dealing with, there's a good chance that someone else in this big world feels the same or is dealing with the same problem as you are. We tend to feel isolated and alone when we're stuck in a negative thought pattern and hopelessness consumes us but taking a step back to remember that someone somewhere feels the same as we do, can make the whole thing less burdensome.

2. There's always something positive you can focus on: I tried to phrase this in the least insensitive way possible; because I know how hard it is to shift your focus from a negative situation you feel hopeless about, let alone see anything in a positive light. But oftentimes when we are too sucked in a tunnel vision that we can't see anything other than the problem, we amplify it even more and it grows to consume us that we fail to even acknowledge the presence of many blessings in our lives.

This is not to blame anyone who feels stuck, rather, it is a reminder that if we exerted the same effort focusing on the positive aspects of our lives, we would feel so much better and generally more grateful. The problem doesn't disappear simply by shifting our focus to something more positive, but it certainly helps us cope and see things with a more well-rounded view and not from just one point of view.

3. Things change: Nothing lasts forever. We know this to be true generally, but we sometimes forget that it applies to adversity too. Just because our minds sometimes make it seem like we're never getting out of a horrible situation or that how we feel now is going to be how we feel forever, doesn't mean that it's true. Our thoughts can sometimes be wrong.

We may have formed these thoughts based on our feelings, but feelings are not facts; just because you feel stuck, doesn't mean you are actually stuck. And even if you are, change will always be an integral part of this universe. Almost nothing stays the same, so why will you?
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Next time you feel stuck in a thinking pattern that convinces you to be hopeless and implies that there's no way out, make a conscious effort to remember those three things and notice how you feel afterward.

Let me know how you're holding up in these times.

You might also want to read:

THINGS TO DO IN LOCKDOWN / SELF-ISOLATION

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BE PRODUCTIVE RIGHT NOW?
check out the mentioned course here

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